Heroic level = Kate, which is equal to three levels of awesome and two levels of angry.

May 8th: AIP Day 22

Okay, so, I had the world’s worst period and ended up staying home on the couch today. I had 2 bowls of chicken + veggie soup. And some grapefruit. And then I whined a lot about having cramps and not being allowed to have any sugar because I am in pain and it won’t stop.


Day 23/22: Barely survived. One more week. Ish. Only one. More. Week.


May 7th: AIP Day 21

Ughhhh I’m dying. I have cramps and I’ve been on the couch all day. I got up to go shower for obvious reasons and to make soup for this week. I think my ovaries hurt. If this doesn’t get better soon, I’m going to stay home from work tomorrow because I feel like my uterus is trying to escape my body and it’s extremely uncomfortable. I felt okay when I got up, and I made AIP pancakes, it was only afterward that I started to feel like my internal organs were going through a meat grinder.

Kanye West GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Anyway, I made AIP pancakes this morning. How does one make pancakes without flour, milk or eggs, you ask? You don’t. You make something weird and deceptive and not very good. *disappointed*. They’re made out of coconut flour, gelatin and banana. And they’re a good substitute for people who have never had real pancakes because Jesus fuck, they were kinda gross. There isn’t enough maple syrup in the world to make them taste good. I ate them, because that’s what I made for breakfast, but it was sad. Then the cramps hit and I laid on the couch for a long time. I got up to make soup for this week (chicken & veggie… again) and then came straight back to the couch. I’ve been watching The Musketeers on Netflix and now I have a thing for Porthos.


Don’t tell Mr Grumpiface!

Day 22/21: Suffered in decidedly Not-Silence.

May 6th: AIP Day 20

Saturday! No plans, except to go to Free Comic Book Day at Taz comics. I slept in, had some fruit salad, read one of my Fables (the one where they use the airship to go back to the homelands and blow up all the magic gates and Briar Rose sleep-bombs the capital) and then we went to the comic book shop and I got a bunch of the free paperback comics they were offering. Then I came home, made a chicken & bacon salad with a balsamic vinegar dressing that I made when I realized I was out of any other kind. I’m sooo unbelievably tired of salad because I eat it at least once a day, but it’s helping. I’m down 7.5 lbs since I started.

Kermit GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

So, salad for lunch. Guess what was dinner? Salad again! I need to expand my range, here. Maybe I’ll do lettuce wraps again, that was entertaining! Backwards salad! Jesus fuck, I’m bored of salad. I’m going to have to go through the AIP online recipes again, but the problem is that I don’t like most things, so I read through the titles like “ew, ew, ew, ew, that’s weird but okay, ew, what the fuck is fennel? Isn’t that a fox? Are you allowed to eat foxes? What would they taste like? Eww. Ew. Ew. Smoothies aren’t food and don’t count. Aww rabbit stew. Why is wrong eat foxes but not rabbits? That seems unfair. Is it just that they taste better?” (A quick Google search later, I learned that it’s actually “fennec” foxes, not fennel foxes. Fennel is some kind of green leafy shit.) Since I feed my snakes occasionally adorable food, we’ve become aware of a curious “Circle of life” rule, which is that a thing’s cuteness is directly correlated to how good it tastes. My snakes love to eat gerbils, because they are cute and fluffy and delicious-er than the usual rats. Especially the gross vanilla ones. Those are yucky and Francis doesn’t like them at all.


My proud snake-mommy moment of watching my snake hide from his dead food.

So it stands to reason that fennec foxes would be delicious because they are adorable. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh. Food. Right. So, today I was so close to breaking and eating a bunch of food out of the cupboard I’m not supposed to have, so I searched and searched until I found a recipe for making sour AIP jello things, and made them. They’re very good – very sour! and I didn’t eat all of them in one sitting, so bonus! I also made frozen pureed banana & strawberry “Ice cream” except that I forgot to do any of the things I was planning to do to it because when I did it, I was distracted because I was playing a board game with Mr. Grumpiface and trying not to lose too badly. I did lose, but only by little bit. It was a well played game.


Or, this was my Saturday night because my boyfriend is a huge dork. I also opened one of my bottles of kombucha too early and it’s not fizzy. Sad face.

Day 20: Outplayed.

May 5th: AIP Day 19

Day twenty? Really? No, actually. Day 19. I skipped a number. I don’t want to go back and fix all the previous entries. I might do it tomorrow if it bothers me enough. Or I might keep it for posterity, and the reminder that I process investment business and can’t count to 30. (Edit: I have now gone back and fixed them because this was driving me nuts.)


Anyway, it’s 1:20 in the morning because so far today, I went to work, worked late because I covered the Alberta offices today, then came home, went out to pick up groceries & rats (for the snakes, obviously) then came home, cooked a delicious dinner of bacon & chicken salad, and then I bottled my first batch of Kombucha. Yayyyyy! Then I attempted to feed the sneks, except Francis wouldn’t eat and I even stabbed the rat to get him to scent the blood, but no dice. (suddenly remembers to go wash said knife before questions are asked.)


So, food! I had a little fruit salad today as breakfast, because there was still fruit left in the fridge from our catered lunch on Wednesday and I didn’t think anyone was going to eat it, so I just cut it all up with my banana and nommed that, which was good because I forgot to make myself lunch last night and then was so busy at work that I didn’t end up going for lunch until 2pm. When I did, I went down to Urban Fare and got a bottle of Kombucha and a big salad with ham. And I ate it allllllll up because I was sooo hungry. Then back to work until 5pm, then home. I didn’t eat anything before we went to get groceries but since we’re so restricted on what we eat and not letting each other cheat, going grocery shopping doesn’t take very long anymore. I bought coconut oil and tapioca flour so I can make another attempt at pancakes tomorrow. REMATCH!


Anyway, I’m super excited about my kombucha. It was already starting to fizz when I tasted it, so hopefully in the bottles it will achieve MAXIMUM FIZZINESS and I will be able to permanently replace pop in my diet because that shit is bad for you… but it tastes so good… Anyway. I made 3 different flavours then brewed a new batch for next week. I made 2 raspberry, 2 blueberry and 2 grapefruit. I love grapefruit, so I’m sooo excited to see if it’ll turn out. Yay! I’m the best!


Day 20/19: Annihilated.


May 4th: AIP Day 18


Now that my nerd cred is maintained, today went pretty well. I was early for work, I got a seat on the bus, I got lots of work done and I had lunch with Miss Sassiface, then home, then dojo, then home. I left the dojo to walk home because I had a project I wanted to finish, so naturally the storm I was trying to beat home opened up and I was soaked through by the time I got home. I had to dry myself off and then do laundry because my clothes were so wet. Fun times.

Anyway. Banana for breakfast. Chicken with garlic salt & thyme on salad with apple and olives for lunch/afternoon snacks. Oh, and I had some grapes this afternoon too. After getting drenched on my way home from the dojo, I made pork steak and salad (romaine lettuce, green onion, cucumber, mushroom and grapefruit.) And it was delicious. I am very happy with my fooding choices lately. I hope to continue this diet for a long time. However, for now, I REALLY want some bread. Like. so much.


Yaaaaah, bitches.

Day 19 (except 18 because I missed day 8) 18: Force choked to DEATH.

May 3rd: AIP Day 17

Today, we had a presentation from our HR department on our company and the things employees have access to that we may not know about. It’s very informative and we appreciate it, but it’s 3+ hours long. This year, in order to make it bearable, they bought us lunch from the Italian Kitchen. Greek salad, sandwiches, fruit, green salad… and I brought soup. I also ate a lot of fruit and salad, but I DID NOT eat a sandwich, though I did take one and eat the ham out of it.

So, I had a banana for breakfast accompanied by loads of advisor-related irritation, and then, because I didn’t know what we were having for lunch, I went to the store to grab some fruit for a snack (and some kombucha because yes) and then when I saw the fruit plate, I was like “oh, nevermind”, so I will have grapes for tomorrow. Yay! Continuing on.

Lunch: Soup, plus fruit & salad with no dressing because I didn’t quite get around to it. And I’m pretty sure the provided dressing had milk in it anyway. Then I listened and had more fruit because I needed to not look SUPER bored. I appreciated the presentation, but it was really long and I have the attention span of a gnat. Then we tidied up, I cannibalized the good parts out of a sandwich and then went back to the annoying emails, then abandoned everything and went home at 4:30. An agent called me at 4:29 and I was like “nope, nope, fuck off, I’m out, bitches”.


By the time I left, I was getting a headache, I was probably clenching my jaw again. By the time I got home, I was like “okay, so I maybe if I throw up, my headache will calm down.” But I didn’t. I just laid on the couch and watched The Musketeers on Netflix. Then I was hungry and made dinner – pork steak & salad. Delish. Then an apple with cinnamon for an evening snack, and awwwwfuck I forgot to make myself lunch for tomorrow. Shit sticks. Whelp, gonna end this and go do that.

Day 18? Pretty sure I skipped a day, my math is not lining up  17:

SHREDDED. (By a dinosaur, not like body-builder shredded,  because that would be ridiculous.)

May 2nd: AIP Day 16

Well, today was … Tuesday. And it was pretty boring. I don’t have much for amusing anecdotes and also I’m tired, so here it is:

Breakfast: Banana, Lemon Pound Cake Tea

Lunch: Soup, Lemon Pound Cake Tea

Aft. Snack: Pineapple & strawberries & Kombucha

Dinner: Pork steak with roasted sweet potatoes and salad.

Water for the rest of the night. Too tired to make anything else.


Day was fine. Not particularly interesting. Except I saw my sister’s ex (is it really an “ex” if they dated for 3 weeks and he wouldn’t put out? I feel like that would be like including all your “boyfriends” from when you were twelve and never actually talked to each other.) downtown and decided he looks like the human version of a pug. Or a potato. I’m not sure which. But definitely something sort of oblong and fuzzy.

Day 16: Trampled. (by a pony. Get it?)

May 1st: AIP Day 15

Well, today… didn’t go as planned. I went to work. Everything went wrong after that. Tomorrow promises to be a hellish day too, while I try to unfuck the fuckery that plagued me today. (I’ve been watching a lot of historical dramas, it makes my brain talk funny.) I’d tell you about all about the wrongness of my day but a) it’s pretty boring, and b) it involves divulging confidential information on the internet, which I took an online training webinar on today for an HOUR which turned out to be basically common sense. Thanks, guys. But food-wise, the day was fine. I started off with my morning banana and some Queen of Tarts tea, and then I had the last pieces of pineapple left over from Friday (they were in the fridge, it’s fine) and then I had a bowl of chicken veggie soup for lunch. For my snack, I was so annoyed and cranky, I went to the grocery store and bought olives and some sandwich meat and wrapped olives in sandwich meat and had that with a bottle of kombucha, which I had to ask my UPS guy to open for me. Then I bought yarn and a got my monthly transit pass and headed home. When I got home, I was like “well, I’m not leaving again” and decided not to go to class tonight. Tired. Cranky. Fuck it.

So, I had a grapefruit. Then I had pork steak, salad and leftover roasted sweet potatoes with water. I am kinda hungry now but I think I’m just going to go to bed, because tomorrow is going to suuuuuuuuuuuck while I make up for all the fuck ups of today. (Some were mine. Not going to lie. Le sigh.)

Day 15: Stomped. Angrily.

April 30th: AIP Day 14

Halfway done, muthafuckas! Yaaaaaaaas.

So, I figured that by this point, I would’ve dropped a bit more weight than I have, and that things would have stopped hurting. I’m in less pain than I was, but it’s still not completely gone. And I am losing weight, but slowly. Boo. I guess I just got my hopes up because my mom had a very successful start to the diet and I hoped I would also have that. But it’s better than nothing. And I do feel MUCH better than I did when I wasn’t doing it, so I’ll keep going. It’s only another two weeks, right? It’s not like I’m going crazy for carbs, right?

I tried to make AIP pancakes this morning, and oh boy, did I fail. I took elements of all the AIP pancake recipes I found online, since I didn’t have all the ingredients to just follow one receipe and they were an unqualified failure. (It’s considered failure when I won’t eat it. If I make faces but still eat it, it’s not a failure, it’s just not a success.) I threw them  out. Sadly. Even putting syrup on them didn’t make them better. Then I had leftover fruit salad for breakfast because I was hungry. Then I did dishes for most of the length of the Ant-Man movie (left from last night – it was Mr Grumpiface’s turn, but he had people over for games and I knew he wouldn’t get to them until tomorrow, so I just did them.) Speaking of which, when people game, they usually bring a LOT of munchies. And pop. That’s my bane, my kryptonite – the Fizzy. It’s the thing I always end up cheating with, the ex I can’t give up. That’s what the Kombucha is for, which has been moved to the reptile room where it’s warm so it will ferment faster. (MAKE IT FIZZY.)



So, I’m sure you can imagine why I was like “I’ma make pancakes because I need something to be good and enjoyable but also not the bad stuff.” And said pancakes were such a disappointment that I went to the store and bought MORE FOOD. Partly because the only thing I was missing was a binding agent (usually eggs, but I can’t have eggs anymore) and they recommend gelatin. I’d looked for it several times but I was determined to find it this time. Plus, in spite of having gotten groceries on Friday, we were already out of things from dinner on Saturday. (that was fast…) Out of celery, even though we bought some on Friday. Almost out of bananas, but I’ll grab some when I’m actually out, and didn’t have anything for lunches for the week. I made chicken & veggie soup and it was pretty good, plus I got pork steaks for dinner this week. I also got bacon so I could make liver & onions with bacon, because the person who wrote the recipe LIED ON THE INTERNET and said it was good. Liver is super fucking weird. I cooked up the liver I got on Friday and I’m totally not sold on it. Super weird texture. (Yes, I’ve never had liver before. Apparently it’s gross, which was a good reason why.) I also got grapefruit, not because people think it helps them to lose weight (not a lot of actual evidence to back that up, but the myth persists) but because I love grapefruit and I quit eating it after it tried to kill me once.


Grapefruit does this thing where it allows things in your intestines to be absorbed faster. You should never, ever take medication when having anything to do with grapefruit. Don’t even sit next to it on the bus, because it will fuck you up. My particular case was cold medication. Tylenol complete, which came with it’s own set of problems, but anyway, Tylenol is designed to slowly release 4 hours of medication while being absorbed in the intestines. Grapefruit with Tylenol means that you get that 4 hours of pain/ sickness relief in about 25 minutes, which makes you feel like you’re going to die, and then throw up in a sink for a while because it literally gives you the same feeling as drinking too much alcohol. In addition, Tylenol complete has pseudo-ephedrine in it, which makes my heart go crazy, so I had to get my mom to drive from Surrey to Burnaby to get me home because I was SO damn sick. It was one of the few times I appreciated my awful coworker, who called our boss on my behalf to let her know that I was extremely sick and needed to go home.


Anyway. So today I had: Fruit salad for breakfast with Honey Bee tea, then soup for lunch, a grapefruit for a snack, and one piece of liver with some onions and bacon and a cup of Lemon Pound Cake tea. It wasn’t much, actually, which explains why I’m hungry now. Oh well, too late now. Besides, I don’t want anymore liver. Eugh. (There are 3 more pieces…)

Anyway, time to get to bed, I have to go to work tomorrow. Weekend, why u over so quickly? Not fair. What did I do this weekend? I cooked. I cleaned. I did a self-defense seminar. Then I cleaned. I cooked. (repeat x 3)


Day 14: Outlasted.

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