Today… Let’s see. I got up earlier than usual and still managed to be late for work, and had a snarky phone call with our B2B rep because he didn’t like that I’ve had to change his appointment with us 3 times, but to be fair, I don’t give a fuck. So there’s that, all before my morning banana. Then I actually did work things, then met Miss Sassiface for lunch for the supposedly last time until she quits but they’re going to ask her to come back to train the new person they only just hired, so I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to have many more lunches with her before our relationship devolves into text-based good intentions that lead nowhere.


Lunch was salad with ham and balsamic vingerette dressing and a bottle of grapefruit kombucha THAT I MADE (yeeaaah!) but wasn’t fizzy (boooo) because I can’t fucking follow directions even when someone very kindly has written them out for me because NUMBERS ARE HARD (I process investments.)

Gala apple for work afternoon snack and then granny smith apple with cinnamon for pre-dojo snack. Then I went to the dojo and did some filing that involved reading some people’s very old files and finding a few embarrassing things in there. Funny how everyone’s immediate reaction to finding embarrassing things is to show everyone as soon as possible. I was very excited to show the person in question, but he was still in class and I was hungry, so I left him a note and went home. I should be able to make fun of him for it at a later date. This is known as “Delayed humiliation”, a tactic best employed against people who are NOT fourth-degree black belts, but I ain’t scare of no mutherfuckers.

ball python

Then I came home and made ground beef with mushrooms and garlic (I meant to put onion in there but I forgot) on salad with vegan mayo. (Because no eggs.) I bought very expensive vegan mayo from the very expensive grocery store and it tastes like hardened vegetable oil, so that’s fantastic. The cheap stuff from the cheap grocery store at least tasted like mayo, and didn’t make me feel like such an obnoxious twat. I miss being able to eat normal food, because this whole diet thing has introduced a rather uncomfortable mental quandary of using a lot of products I normally use as criteria for judging other people. Specifically tall, skinny women with messy buns and tights for pants, but I’m not exclusionary and will freely judge others as warranted.


Except not silent. I’m joking. I don’t judge people the way I used to. I’ve made waaaaay too many mistakes to stay on that bandwagon.

Day 25: Slaughtered! I didn’t actually think about cheating very much today, just about how to stay on the diet. Yay.