So! AIP! What is it and why am I doing it?

AIP = Auto-Immune Protocol. Meaning, eating only foods that do not trigger an auto-immune response in my body. Essentially, the food I normally eat makes my body think it’s a virus or something and is constantly ready for invasion, like the US Border Patrol fucks, because it thinks things like dairy and bread are terrorists and reacts by going fucking nuclear every time I have chocolate. Oh, and I’m doing this because everything in my body hurts and I don’t want to die.

AIP is a hardcore version of the Paleo diet. I know, right? MORE HARDCORE THAN PALEO?? Surely you jest! Yeah, it’s Paleo, but it excludes a bunch of delicious stuff that I normally rely on when I try to eat healthy, like peppers, tomatoes, eggs, rice and nuts. This is because those things cause an inflammatory response in humans that most people can easily heal from, but my body sucks at healing and is constantly freaking the fuck out about it. So, as a result, my muscles and joints are constantly inflamed and sore, and digesting food is often very painful. Plus, you know, continuing to subject my body to food it doesn’t handle very well is going to lead to kidney failure later, and dialysis is not cool. (My case is very specific, so don’t think that because you have inflammation, you’re going to die. As per my previous post, this is a specific, uncommon autoimmune disease that my mom has because we’re a special lot.)

A lot of people have been asking me about whether the Paleo diet is healthy, since you’re cutting out so much stuff, and pointing to specific items that you can’t have on the Paleo diet (dairy, usually, which I can’t have anyway, or legumes, which I won’t eat anyway because gross) because they’re not aware of how horrific my diet is when I’m allowed to make my own decisions. (Hint: It involves a lot of burgers.) Part of the problem with me and dieting is that I don’t like healthy food, so it’s all-or-nothing for me. I can’t have a little bit of sugar/pop/pasta/bread because I’m obsessive and when I find something I like, I keep having it until I get tired of it. When I found this diet, I was like “It looks like it will suck, but it will allow me to not be in pain and not have kidney failure” and sent it to my mom to see what she thought, because she’s got the autoimmune disease I’m trying to avoid. She decided to try it and has been on the diet for 12 days now and she’s lost 15 lbs and has full use of her hands without being in pain for years. So, the diet works, and is a lot freakin’ healthier than what I normally live on. #foodcourt

12:30: So far today, I’ve had a banana, 2 glasses of water and a (small) pot of Pu’erh tea (Juicy Orange)(shameless David’s Tea plug). After a weekend of indulgence, my last weekend before committing to 30 days of having to actually cook for myself, I feel pretty shitty. I have a headache (as always,) my right knee hurts for no reason, and I feel vaguely unsettled and vomit-ey. I’m avoiding my vitamins because they always make me gag, and I already feel very blah. It’s the start of the “detox” period. It’s not actually a detox, but the first few days of a diet always make me feel shitty until my body gets used to it.

For lunch, I had the last of my Chicken Vegetable soup. I made it last week when I was on an AIP Trial period, to see how it made me feel. It’s tasty but also has pepper in it because I didn’t realize until about half an hour ago that Pepper isn’t on the AIP approved list. Oops. Oh well. I will watch for that in the future. Current feeling: mild indigestion with a side of thigh cramp. Wtf.

3pm: For my afternoon snack, I had a granny smith apple. I cut mine up because I don’t like biting apples. One of my favourite “diet” snacks is sliced apple with cinnamon, so I was glad to see that cinnamon was on the approved list. I think it’s actually an anti-inflammatory. I don’t really know. I should bring cinnamon to work so I can have that. I just have plain apple for now. Plus, I have an herbal tea with honey because my free birthday tea was going to expire if I didn’t get it, and also because I don’t see honey on the NO list or the YES list, so I’m going to assume it’s fine as long as it’s natural honey with no weird processed shit in it. An AIP website says honey “in moderation”, so that’s a relief. Also, it’s Sour Watermelon tea, if you were wondering, and it’s fucking delicious. (Now I have to buy this one too…)

Dinner: I made a quick turkey soup with the leftovers from Easter dinner, and because I was feeling whimsical, I put mushrooms in it and it was actually really good. I made it quickly because I decided to run an errand after work to buy a food processor and it went a bit sideways because taking the bus anywhere in Vancouver is like trying to dance with two broken feet. Anyway, I got home 45 minutes later than intended, starving, with an exceptionally full bladder and in an absolute rage for various reasons. Long story short, dinner made and eaten very quickly. Soup was packaged for lunches and then I made something for dinners this week, which was sort of a hodgepodge of things I had in the fridge. I’ll let you know tomorrow how it turns out.

Apple with cinnamon for a bedtime snack and a cup of Mango Madness white tea. Mmm.

Day one: Defeated.