In pretty much every superhero origin story, the hero has a little training montage to explain how they got their abilities and the training to learn how to use them. Sometimes they go from being badly hurt to healing and being better than ever. And sometimes they find something that helps them to heal, something that allows them to rise above their pain and adversity, and become something great. They make a choice to take the hard road; that’s what makes them heroes. And I’ve always wanted to be that, but I don’t think I’ve ever fully committed that way, to taking the hard road. I’ve always started down that path, met resistance, and then stopped or sort of shuffled around.
And as such, my physical health took a nosedive because I ate crap food all the time, and my body didn’t deal well with being fed crap and still expected to train and function properly. I felt awful, and because I felt awful, I made bad choices and continued the cycle. I would find a new diet or make an eating plan and stick to it for a week. Maybe two. Maybe even three. And I usually felt pretty good, but my joints were still sore, my body still hurt, and I felt myself slipping ever-further down the slippery slope toward the open maw of Autoimmune disease. My mom has one. It may or may not be genetic. They don’t know what causes it. I spent several years watching her get sicker and sicker, until she was in “remission”, meaning she was at risk of having relapses for the rest of her life. And the drugs she was on caused massive, unbearable side-effects that will never go away. I should mention that my mother is the person I love and admire most in the world, and watching her go through that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I made myself sick from the stress and the worry about what was going to happen. I was in my early twenties, I was definitely not in a position where I could face losing my mother at a time when I was still trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing. (Though there is never a good time to lose one’s parent. Never.) I don’t deal well with stress anyway, I tend to be very anxious and get depressed easily, so I’m not sure if my mental health dragged my physical health down, or if it was the other way around, but either way, it’s led me to where I am now.
I’m not sick. Not yet. But I have all of the early-warning symptoms of an autoimmune disease. My joints hurt. My kidneys aren’t functioning well. I’ve got a host of other issues. And there’s one thing I can do about it. There’s a diet out there, a slice of the Paleo diet, called the Autoimmune Protocol. Two roads lay before me. One is to continue doing what I have been doing – eating whatever I want, being miserable and feeling awful. The other is to let go of food as a coping mechanism, and to eat what I need to eat to let my body heal. I’m not going to explain what the diet does right now. I’m making a public statement (so that I stick to it) that from April 17th to May 17th, I will be posting my food intake and how I feel. I will keep a record of everything I eat and how it makes me feel so that I don’t cheat and to document the first 30 Days for proof. I need to do this because this is my turning point, this is when I decide if I’m going to live or if I’m going to let myself get sick and die. That’s the point I’m at. And I don’t want to be there, I want to wake up and feel good, and it’s been a very long time since I woke up and felt okay. I want to feel good. April 17th.