Hey, so I had an internet /ragequit a few months ago and decided that people, by and large, can go fuck themselves. It took a while for me to want to write here again, as this was supposed to be something cathartic for me to do, rather than another chore to keep up. I had two weird sort of issues with people that weren’t about me, at all, so there wasn’t anything I could do to help. Plus, I was actually doing things, so that was nice.
My friend from Bishop’s (who I met a decade ago… crazy) came to visit me in October. Miss Rockerface is a drummer and plays in several bands in Ottawa, so she took time out of her busy schedule to come hang with me. We mostly kicked around at home, but had a few days where we actually went to do things. It was awesome having her here, like back in the old days when we were at school and hung out all the time. That sent me into a wave of nostalgia, and wondering “If I did _____, would that have changed things?” and it took me a while to get out of that mire of self-indulgence. But it was awesome having her here, and she should move here, dammit. We used to get up to all kinds of weird stuff. We both had a very definite sense of style, so one day we dressed up as each other and went around confusing the drunk people.
To be fair, we were already very similar.
In other news, things at work have been a bit stressful, in that I don’t know how much longer my office is going to be around. I know that my boss will take care of us, but it’s been pretty uncertain as to how she’s going to do that. Even now, I don’t know if I’m going to have a job in the next few months. So, it’s been rather difficult to know when to cut and run, or if I should stay. I want to be loyal to my boss, but I also want job security and things like that. Either way, as of the end of February, I’ll essentially have a new job with new employers. I just don’t know which way to jump yet. One office is downtown and the other is in Kits, so they are both in equally shitty places for me to get to from my house, so in a way, it doesn’t really matter. However, one of the jobs has the inestimable bonus of not having my coworker around, so that’s a definite plus on that side. Speaking of said coworker, she actually tried to kill herself again in the beginning of October, and I figured out what she was doing and sent my boss to go stop her. This is incredibly ironic for me, because I’ve been wanting her to die for four years and when she actually tried, I blew the whistle on her. But to be honest, if I thought she was going to go through with it, I might not have said anything. Having said that, if she was going to go through with it, she would’ve made sure that we didn’t find out what was happening until it was too late. I realize people need help sometimes and this was a cry for help, but considering that we’ve hated each other for four years, I don’t appreciate being the one she put that burden on. She made sure I would notice and say something, so that my boss could go rescue her. Also, I think that people should have the right to die if that’s what they really want, and I don’t think that anyone else has the right to tell them they can’t – IF that’s what they really want. But she made sure I knew, so obviously she didn’t really want to go through with it… right? It’s hard to know what’s the right thing to do when I’ve been imagining shoving her face-first down the concrete stairs for four years.
Yeah, I’m totally a bad person. Get over it.
So, coworker was off work for about 7 weeks and it was glorious. I had a great time running the office my way, and everything went pretty smoothly. Then she came back, and so did the frustration and misery, so I know that, given the choice, I’ll take the job where I don’t have to deal with her.
So! In better news, I have a couple things on the go: I started drinking loose leaf tea and have decided to have tea parties at my house, once a month. I arranged for the first one to be a Christmas tea, and then I promptly caught a really, really bad cold and had to postpone it. Mr. Grumpiface is doing board game days once or twice a month, so he has his players and I arrange something for the “widows” to do while they’re gaming. It’s pretty funny. As a result, several of the ladies in my Widows group have suggested that we run a Pathfinder campaign and shit, I should probably be writing that. I’m looking forward to it. I have a lot of ideas that I want to use, so it will be hilarious and fun.
Oh! And tomorrow night, I’m promoting to Brown belt. Hard to believe that I’m already here. I’ve been working for this for a long time, and I’m proud that I’ve gotten this far. But it’s still a long road to go – I will be promoting to my high Brown in March (this is all assuming nothing catastrophic happens and I am able to master my curriculum) and then I start training for my black belt apprentice test. That means having to run a mile in 8 minutes, do 100 push-ups, sit-ups and squats every Saturday morning at 8 AM. So, this year is going to be hard… but I can do it. If ever I’m looking for inspiration, I can turn to some of the black belts at my dojo who just got their second degree. They made a documentary about their journey to their black belts, and whenever I watch it, it makes me want to go to the dojo to train. Even on days where they’re going easy on us, I’m dripping sweat and feel like I’m going to stroke out. We’re learning nunchaku right now, and I’m very slowly getting the hang of it… fulfilling my childhood dreams of being like Michelangelo.
That’s it for today… love and hugs and squishes, bitches.